tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
