I'm really into asian looking animals
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
