VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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