My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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