i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
