Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I wish you could order shots online.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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