All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
