Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
