you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
