I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
