Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
