Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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