oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
