...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
