I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He uses pillows to masturbate.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
