A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
