There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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