have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
