I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
