Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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