I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
