just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm too high and old for this...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
