This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
