ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
