if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I cut my penus on the lid.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
