He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
