how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
