I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
