dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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