have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Randomize
