Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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