Someone shit on the floor
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
