I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
my poor anus
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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