her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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