I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
