He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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