Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
