turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
