god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
