Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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