he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
