Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
