The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
