i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
