My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
