Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
