she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
