i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
