How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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