just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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