is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
